If people were rain, then he was a hurricane who altered you, tore you apart, ripped you until everything that once defined you was gone and at the end was left someone even you yourself did not recognize, lest others and then you became someone you’d never ever thought you’d become.
He was supposed to be the right one, maybe he was and the timing was wrong, maybe he was supposed to be your happily ever after, you felt that sparkling, sizzling chemistry with him didn’t you? His touch would send shivers down to your spine, when you have chemistry, they say you only need one thing, timing, but timing is a bitch more appropriately a slut as John Green says, screws everyone and it did screw you, and screwed everything you had dear to your heart.
His eyes were chaos, they never stayed still always deep in thoughts, they were a mystery, a mystery you could never figure out, he was like a rainstorm in the desert, he was like the starry night sky, so beautiful that you could never get bored looking at him, he was your conflicted contradiction, he was not your 2 a.m. thoughts, he was your 2 p.m. thoughts, the one you thought about not when you were alone questioning life but the one you remembered in a room full of people, he was your 11:11 wish.
You chose him over everything, you chose him when everything around you was falling apart, you chose him when alcohol knocked your system and everything else went blur, yet he was the only one who was crystal clear, you chose him while you were gazing at the moon, while you were frustrated with your writer’s block, you chose him because he was your inspiration, you chose his shoulder to cry your heart out when your favorite character died. You chose the boy who ripped you to shreds, you chose him to break and dent your heart into million pieces and you’ll choose him again if he ever decides to come back, because he felt like home.
He left, leaving a void, a void that seemed like a black hole sucking every happy moment you had and it hurts; and it is supposed to hurt, because it hurts to put someone before you put yourself, to care for someone to the levels that you forget to care about yourself, you may say you’re over him, maybe you are maybe you’re not but there is one thing you cannot deny that you’ll never forget him, you’ll never forget what it was to have him besides you, you’ll never forget the way his hands felt on your skin, of how just his mere presence sometimes would make you forget what you were going to say and when all the memories come flooding back and you remember all this it hurts, it hurts as if the devil is twisting a knife in your soul.
Letting him go did hurt but what hurt more was the post trauma, the fact that you had no idea of what do to now, it was like all the goodbyes you’ve ever heard been said to you all at once. It is okay to cry and to miss him and it is taking every ounce of strength you have to fight back the pain, to stop yourself from falling apart.
But sometimes everything has to fall apart so that everything can fall in place again, life never plays fair, it hurts us, forges us so that we can be at the place we’re meant to be and maybe at the end of all this leaving and all this pain you were supposed to find something, maybe you were supposed to find you.
But to find yourself, there’s only one possible way and that is going to hurt you like hell and it is the fact that you have to let him go, yes you’ll never forget what his eyes looked like, or how dazzling his smile is, but you have to let him go and how much ever hard it is to accept the fact it cannot be changed that he is not the one. Today it hurts but one day it won’t not today not tomorrow but one day you’ll learn and you’ll live and when the day arrives you can say you found yourself.
And maybe when you find yourself, you might find the one you were always supposed to meet, someone whose eyes would still be a mystery but a mystery only you could solve and then every piece will fit and the puzzle will then be complete and you’ll be whole again with all your shattered million pieces.
But for that to happen you have to let it go.